Advice Book

Emily Wilcox uses letters she received as an advice columnist for a book that covers issues in lesbian relationships.

By Megan Wadding

Emily Wilcox

Looking For Love

Emily Wilcox has the answers for lesbians with relationship issues

When lesbian relationship expert Emily Wilcox decided to write a book, she had a lot of material to work with drawn from advice columns that she has written.

"I had so many questions sent to me ... that I decided to put them into a book that would hopefully help women out there who are stuck in a bad relationship, trying to fix a mediocre one or find lasting love," Wilcox said.

The result is 100 Lesbians Walk Into A Bar ..., which was released in December.

The book is a compilation of answers to questions sent to Wilcox when she wrote advice columns "Ask Emily" for Here Media and "Ask the Expert" for Queeried.

Wilcox said that assembling the book was a matter of choosing the best questions and answers from the advice columns.

With a humorous touch, the book deals with all phases of lesbian life, including coming out, finding love, moving in together and cheating and breaking up.

100 Lesbians Walk Into A Bar "This book can help with so many interpersonal and relationship issues in a way that is fun," she said. "The book is real and the questions are real.

"The end result in all of my answers is to lead the reader to happiness without doing much of anything [except] looking at their thoughts by being able to change their perceptions and their relationships," Wilcox said.

Wilcox, 36, is originally from Chicago, but has lived in Los Angeles since 1993. She's a certified life coach for relationships, specializing in sexuality, LGBT issues, commitment phobia and trauma. She said she is in a relationship herself.

With Valentine's Day approaching, Wilcox said she doesn't have special plans for the day, but said that she believes that the holiday of love should be celebrated every day.

"If we can give our best selves in our relationships, then we don't need just one day to show it," Wilcox said.

Wilcox said she is working on three more books. She said a portion of proceeds from the sale of 100 Lesbians will be donated to the Human Rights Campaign. -E

VITAL STATISTICS

100 Lesbians Walk Into A Bar ...
By Emily Wilcox
(Create Space, December 2011, $10.85, paperback)

Advice from Emily Wilcox

"We need to pay more attention to why we choose our partners. We choose our partners based on past experiences."
"Love should be expressed through action."
"When we are emotionally reactive in our relationships, we substantiate earlier beliefs and end up reacting to something painful from our pasts that have nothing to do with the current argument at hand."
"The only way we can change our relationships is by first changing ourselves. The greatest message I can stress is self-love."
"There is nothing we need to "fix" in order to be worthy of love."
"We have got to accept ourselves just as we are today. When we start to wish we were smarter, thinner, richer, better, nicer, calmer, brighter, sharper, happier, stronger, etc., we cease to love ourselves right now."