All About the Kids

Children are a big part of the holidays when Melinda Murphy and Dorian Kreiling stage Christmas at their home.

By Glenn Gullickson

Dorian and Melinda

A Christmas with Children

Dorian Kreiling and Melinda Murphy have built a family of choice that includes foster children

They say Christmas is for children, and that's the sentiment that guides the holidays at the home of Melinda Murphy and Dorian Kreiling.

The women, together since 1999, have been foster parents to six children over the years and have made what they called "unofficial adoptions" of others.

Along with nieces, nephews and children of friends and previous partners, the young people are a big part of the holidays for Murphy and Kreiling. "We're always surrounded by children at Christmas," Murphy said.

"We're benevolent aunts to many, many people," Kreiling said. "It enriches the holidays."

Traditionally, Christmas Eve is the big day at the Murphy-Kreiling residence, where they host up to 30 people, members of their "blended family of choice."

Kreiling makes the turkey, guests provide the side dishes and Murphy does the cleanup.

After dinner, the group does a gift exchange that Kreiling called "jungle white elephant," where guests can poach gifts selected by others.

Sometime during the holiday season, the women gather the children in their lives for an evening at the theater. This year, they're considering treating the group to a performance of Stomp at ASU Gammage.

Murphy and Kreiling will be staging their holiday celebration in their home in the historic Willo District in central Phoenix where they moved earlier this year. It's the fourth house they've lived in together. Both real estate agents, the women like to buy houses that they can renovate.

The women said that their decorations of a tree and wreaths are festive, but not overboard. Murphy said she would like to decorate the exterior of the house, an idea that Kreiling has been resisting.

Becoming Foster Parents

In 2006, the women fostered their first children — two brothers, then ages 5 and 9. "We fell in love with them right away," Murphy remembered.

The women said they considered adopting the boys, but the agency required that the same family also adopt their sister, and the women thought an instant family of three children was too ambitious.

The women said the agency asked them to select which of the two couples who were finalists for the adoption should get the children.

It was just before Christmas a few years back when the boys went to their "forever family." At first, the timing of the transfer troubled the women, but after considering it they understood that the holidays could help the new family to bond. "It was a good gift that way," Kreiling said.

The women said they still see the children regularly and do what they can to help the parents.

Since then there have been other foster children, who stay with the couple for as little as a week to up to two years. Murphy and Kreiling said they would like to foster more children and recently took steps to renew their license.

"Sharing children together, marveling at their growth and education, watching them flourish, is something you don't want to miss," Murphy said.

The women said that some of their gay and lesbian friends are surprised to learn that they could foster or adopt children in Arizona.

"There is a desperate, desperate need for foster parents," Kreiling said.

And despite a state law passed earlier this year giving married couples preference in adoptions, the women said they've found most local agencies to be supportive of adoptions by gay parents.

"The agencies realize they can't afford to discriminate that way," Kreiling said. "Out of a dozen agencies, only one or two don't support gay and lesbian families."

Life and Business Partners

Both women, who met through a mutual friend, are originally from regions where they had white Christmases and remember growing up by spending the holidays with relatives sharing presents and big dinners.

Murphy moved to Arizona from Michigan in 1995, after she'd grown tired of the Midwestern state's weather and her partner at the time was transferred to Phoenix. She completed her degree in communications at Arizona State University.

Kreiling is originally from Long Island, N.Y., and earned a bachelor's degree in communications from Concordia University in Chicago. She's been in the Valley since 1975.

Murphy has always worked in real estate. After Kreiling was laid off from a sales position a few years back, the women became partners in business as well as life, which can make for a lot of togetherness.

"People are shocked that we work together, we live together, we sleep together," Kreiling said.

They recently joined Keller Williams Lifestyle Realty, where their duties include overseeing the property management division as well as buying and selling real estate.

While the end of the year can be the busiest time in their business, the women still managed to fit in a trip the week before Thanksgiving to visit Kreiling's family.

On Thanksgiving weekend, they joined the annual Rainbows RV holiday event at Roosevelt Lake. And since both women love to ski, they'll plan to head north to find snow — but only as a day trip.

The women said their personal and professional relationships work well because of their differing talents.

"Melinda is a wonderful negotiator," Kreiling said, noting Murphy's people skills and attention to detail.

"Dorian is like sunlight in a room," Murphy said. "She brightens up the whole room. People just warm to her."

While they haven't taken the time to have an official commitment ceremony, every January the women mark the new year by recommitting to their relationship.

"Every day, it gets better and better," Kreiling said. -E