Military Ball

A naval officer who made news when he married his partner as Don't Ask, Don't Tell ended takes his husband to the Marine Ball at Fort Huachuca.

By Glenn Gullickson

Military Couple

An officer and a gentleman attend Fort Huachuca military ball as a couple

A Naval officer stationed in Arizona and the man he married as Don't Ask Don't Tell ended say that after years of silence they are becoming activists for LGBT rights.

In their latest stand for equality, Navy Lt. Gary Ross and his husband, Dan Swezy, attended a military ball as a couple for the first time on Veteran's Day at Fort Huachuca in Sierra Vista in southern Arizona.

"Now that I have absolutely nothing to lose, there is no reason me not to fight for what I think is right," Ross said during a telephone interview. "Now there is nothing holding us back."

Ross and Swezy made national news for their wedding in Vermont, where same-sex marriage is legal, at the stroke of midnight on Sept. 20, as the military's DADT policy expired. The ceremony served as Ross's coming out at work after keeping his relationship with Swezy secret for more than a decade.

The men are also among eight same-sex military couples named as plaintiffs in a lawsuit being brought by Servicemembers Legal Defense Network that challenges the constitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), the federal law that recognizes marriage as between a man and a woman.

"During Don't Ask, Don't Tell, we couldn't really speak up for ourselves," Swezy said. "A lot of people fought hard for us." Now he said he and Ross see it as their duty to be part of the fight for LGBT rights.

MIlitary wedding Part of that is as simple as providing an example by attending the Marine Ball as a couple. Swezy noted that the experience was different from last year, when he waited outside in the car while Ross attended the annual military event. Another year, the men took gal pals to the party.

"It's nice to be included," Swezy said. "For the past 12 years, I've had to be a secret in Gary's life."

The men said they decided to attend the party after being encouraged by others at work, where Ross said he thinks "life has actually gotten better" since the end of DADT. "People are really wanting to include Dan in all the work functions," Ross said.

Ross said he and Swezy were "just like any other couple" at the ball, attended by about 300 people at the base activity center, that included dinner, presentations and a DJ. "It was really a non-event, which is an amazing thing," Ross said.

He said the only moment of unease during the evening may have occurred when the music started and people wondered if the men would join the dancing. But that didn't become an issue since Ross said he doesn't dance. "I don't have a lot of rhythm," he said.

Ross was attending the Naval Academy in Annapolis, Md., in 2000 when he answered an online dating site posting by Swezy, who was a flight attendant. They met for lunch and a movie, and "from then, it was history," he said.

And they made history with their wedding, an event they planned for the first possible moment after DADT expired, that got more attention than they anticipated.

"When we went to Vermont, we really thought we were going to have a private wedding," Ross said. But word leaked out, and hours before the ceremony the Associated Press was on the phone.

By the time they walked down the aisle, there were hundreds of stories about them on the Internet and the reporters attending the ceremony outnumbered the guests.

Military Couple "At that point, there was no hiding it," Ross said. "I'm about as open as you can get after our marriage."

That's a big change for the couple. As they've moved around the country when Ross has been transferred, they've found housing far from the base in an effort to conceal their relationship. Exposure could have led to the end of Ross's military career.

In Arizona since 2010, they live in Tucson, about 100 miles from Fort Huachuca. Ross rents a room near the base, then spends long weekends at home.

"We're not going to do that anymore," Swezy said. -E